拉低你幸福感的，不是现实，而是期待
很多认识我的人常问我一个问题：“你为什么好像总是开开心心的？”我的回答很简单 - 因为我对生活的期待值一直比较低。
这个“低”，并不是没有追求，也不是对自己放松要求，而是我很少给生活设定一个必须立刻兑现的标准。在尽力而为的同时，也给自己留下足够的空间，享受顺其自然的成长过程。
这里我用一个很简单的公式来解释这种感受：幸福感 = 当前状态 − 期待值。
比如这个公式解答了为什么有钱人钱再多，依然有那么多烦恼。在普通人的想象中，钱应该可以显著提升幸福感。确实金钱可以提高安全感、自由度和选择权，也能解决大量现实问题。但问题在于，钱在提升优化现状的同时，几乎一定会同步抬高“期待值”，而且提升的速度会越来越快。
当收入提高、生活升级，新的状态很快就会变成“正常”，新的社交圈也会形成新的比较标准。原本平静的小康生活，悄无声息地变成了不满足。于是随着财富现状的增值，幸福感却并没有同步增加，烦恼只是换了一种形式继续存在。
这种逻辑，在职业发展中同样成立。无论是刚入行的人，还是已经站在较高位置的人，只要内心始终有一个不断前移的“应该”，幸福感就很难稳定。现实永远在追赶期待，而期待则永无止境地越来越高。
比如两个人拿着同样的薪水，一个人觉得自己被低估了，整天愁眉苦脸；另一个人却觉得已经比预想中好很多，心态轻松。现实完全一样，幸福感却天差地别。差别不在钱，而在于他们心中对“我应该拿多少”的判断。
人与人之间的关系也是如此。当我们对亲密关系、友情或他人的理解和回应抱有过高的期待，失望几乎是必然的。很多关系里的痛苦，并不是对方真的做错了什么，而是现实中的那个人，无法匹配我们脑海里的理想版本。
甚至在日常的小事中，这个公式也在反复出现。同样一场雨，如果你期待的是晴天，它会让你心情低落；如果你原本就预期可能下雨，你会平静接受；如果你正好想待在家里，它甚至会带来一种满足感。现实没有变，变的只是你对它的预期。
回到最初那个问题，为什么我一直比较开心。并不是因为我的生活没有问题，而是因为我依然经常会很“惊讶”自己现在的成绩与状态，感恩我现在拥有的比我曾经想象的要多太多，于是幸福感油然而生，脸上常常挂着开心的笑容也是自然而然的了😆。
因此当我们学会管理自己的“期待”，学会对当下心存感恩，无论身处什么阶段，生活都会变得轻一些，也亮一些。
Happiness Isn’t About Having More, It’s About Expecting Less
Many people who know me often ask the same question: “Why do you always seem happy and content?”
My answer is very simple: I’ve always kept my expectations for life relatively low.
This “low” doesn’t mean having no ambition, nor does it mean lowering standards for myself. Rather, it means I rarely set expectations that must be immediately fulfilled. While doing my best, I also leave myself enough room to enjoy the process of growing naturally and letting things unfold.
I like to explain this feeling with a very simple formula: Happiness = Current reality − Expectations
This formula explains why many wealthy people, no matter how much money they have, still worry so much. In ordinary people’s imagination, money should significantly increase happiness. And it’s true — money can improve security, freedom, and choice, and solve many real-world problems. The issue here is that while money improves one’s circumstances, it almost inevitably raises expectations at the same time, and those expectations tend to rise faster and faster.
As income increases and lifestyle upgrades, the new reality quickly becomes the “new normal.” New social circles form, along with new benchmarks for comparison. What was once a comfortable, content life quietly turns into dissatisfaction. As a result, even though wealth grows, happiness doesn’t necessarily increase; worries simply change form and continue to exist.
The same logic applies to career development. Whether someone is just starting out or already at a high level, happiness is hard to sustain if their inner benchmark is constantly shifting forward. Reality is always chasing expectations, while expectations rise endlessly.
For example, two people earn the same salary. One feels undervalued and is constantly unhappy; the other feels they’re already doing far better than expected and remains relaxed and content. The reality is identical, yet their happiness levels are worlds apart. The difference isn’t the money, it’s their internal judgment of how much they should be earning.
The same is true in relationships. When we place overly high expectations on romantic partners, friendships, or on how others should understand and respond to us, disappointment can sometimes seem inevitable. Much of the pain in relationships doesn’t come from the other person doing something truly wrong, but from the fact that they cannot live up to the idealized version we hold in our minds.
This formula even shows up in small, everyday moments. Take rain, for example. If you’re expecting sunshine, rain can dampen your mood. If you already expect it might rain, you accept it calmly. If you were hoping to stay home anyway, the rain might even bring a sense of satisfaction. Reality hasn’t changed, only your expectations have.
So back to the original question: why do I generally feel happy? It’s not because my life is free of problems, but because I still often feel surprised by my current achievements and situation. I’m deeply grateful that what I have now is far more than I once imagined. And therefore, happiness arises naturally from that gratitude, and smiling often becomes effortless 😆.
When we learn to manage our expectations and cultivate gratitude for the present moment, life becomes lighter and brighter, no matter what stage we’re in.