Can Love Survive Without Money?
我年轻的时候，一直坚信爱情至上，觉得钱并不重要。于是，我义无反顾地和一位一穷二白的哲学博士生恋爱并结婚。那时候，我们沉浸在“young love”的甜蜜梦境里，仿佛只要彼此相爱，世界就会眷顾我们。然而几年过去，当浪漫褪色，现实却让我逐渐清醒。在我三十多岁的时候，我们依旧没有属于自己的房子，开着一辆二手车。当我开始着急我们的经济条件时，他却笑嘻嘻地说，他很向往有一天能在纽约中央公园做一个“homeless”。那一刻，我真的哭笑不得。
我前夫似乎对赚钱有着一种天生的“不友好”。那时他做保险销售，收入时高时低。更糟糕的是，他喜欢花钱，因此欠下一身信用卡债务，却没有任何还款计划。
而且这并不仅仅是我一个人的故事。我的朋友小美也经历过类似的情况。她的先生同样没有稳定工作。恋爱初期，小美坚信爱情能克服一切，甚至为自己能“支持”先生而感到骄傲。但日子一长，她发现房租全靠自己承担，日常开销也得自己掏腰包。原本计划好的旅行被迫搁置，她的生活越来越紧巴巴，存款不断缩水。最终，曾经的浪漫，也被一天天的经济压力磨得无影无踪。
后来有人问我，一个美好的爱情需要哪些要素？我常说是三点：夫妻的亲密，道德上的共识，以及良好的经济条件。这三者相辅相成，缺一不可。如果在夫妻关系里，女性成了主要的经济支柱，心里难免会有落差。我们会因为大梁压在肩头而心生不满，而男人则可能因自尊心受挫变得敏感，甚至易怒。久而久之，沟通变得越来越困难，感情也随之恶化。
与此同时，我身边的朋友夫妻可能早已收入六位数，有房有车，周末还能潇洒地旅行度假。这种对比不仅让我嫉妒，甚至焦虑。曾经我也希望在三十岁之前买下属于自己的房子，但我的前夫不仅没有存款，反而欠下债务。结果，我的人生目标被拖延甚至错过。
有些男人会理直气壮地说：“如果你真的爱我，就不该在乎我有没有钱。”听起来很浪漫，但现实是，当女人不得不一个人扛下所有压力，不仅钱包被掏空，耐心与精力也被消耗殆尽。这种关系，又怎能健康，更何况长久？
男女之间的亲密可以带来温暖和陪伴，但柴米油盐的日常却无法回避。金钱不是决定爱情的唯一标准，却是它能否长久的现实支撑。面对一个经济不稳定的男人，我们需要冷静思考：这是暂时的困难，还是长期的拖累？他是真的想努力改善，还是依旧选择依赖与逃避？当答案是否定的时候，或许就是我们该转身离开的时候了。
Can Love Survive Without Money?
When I was young, I firmly believed that love was everything and that money didn’t matter. So, without hesitation, I fell in love with and married a “poor” philosophy PhD student. At that time, we were lost in the sweet dream of “young love,” convinced that as long as we loved each other, the world would take care of us. But as the years went by and the romance faded, reality slowly brought me back to my senses. By the time I was in my thirties, we still didn’t have a home of our own and were driving an old secondhand car. When I began to worry about our financial situation, he just laughed and cheerfully said that one day he would love to be “homeless” in New York’s Central Park. At that moment, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
My ex-husband seemed to have a natural “hostility” toward making money. At the time, he worked in insurance sales, and his income fluctuated constantly. What was worse, he loved to spend, piling up credit card debt with no plan to pay it back.
And this isn’t just my story. My friend Xiaomei went through something similar. Her husband also had no stable job. In the early days of their relationship, Xiaomei believed love could conquer all, and she even felt proud to be the one “supporting” her partner. But as time went on, she realized she was solely responsible for the rent and covering daily expenses. Trips she once dreamed of taking had to be canceled, her life grew tighter and tighter, and her savings steadily shrank. In the end, the romance that once seemed so magical was worn away by the grinding weight of financial pressure.
People often asked me what makes a good marriage. I usually say three things: intimacy between the couple, shared moral values, and financial stability. These three elements complement each other and are all essential. When a woman becomes the main financial provider in a marriage, it inevitably creates an imbalance. She grows resentful under the weight of responsibility, while the man, with his pride wounded, may become sensitive or even irritable. Over time, communication breaks down, and the relationship deteriorates.
Meanwhile, many of my friends and their spouses were already earning six-figure incomes, buying houses and cars, and enjoying weekend getaways. The contrast left me not only envious but also deeply anxious. I once hoped to buy my own home before I turned thirty, but my ex-husband had no savings and only mounting debt. As a result, my life goals were delayed, or simply missed altogether.
Some men may insist, “If you really love me, you shouldn’t care whether I have money.” It sounds romantic, but the truth is, when a woman is forced to shoulder all the pressure alone, her wallet empties while her patience and energy are drained. How can such a relationship be healthy, let alone lasting?
Yes, the intimacy between a man and a woman can bring warmth and companionship, but daily life is built on bread-and-butter realities that cannot be ignored. Money is not the only factor in love, but it is the foundation that determines whether love can endure. When faced with a financially unstable man, we must ask ourselves: Is this a temporary setback, or a permanent burden? Does he truly want to improve, or is he choosing to remain dependent and avoid responsibility? When the answer is no, perhaps that is the moment we need to walk away.