容许自己有意识地做一些“坏”决定

过去几年里，不太喜欢吃甜食的我，居然开始每天吃甜食，特别是在午饭后或者晚饭后。一开始是陪着喜欢吃甜食的老公，饭后来个冰淇淋之类的，可是后来慢慢地也变成了我的常规仪式：冰箱里永远囤着哈根达斯、夹心巧克力饼干、太妃脆饼，日本豆沙饼等等。

尽管我一再提醒自己‘不能再吃了’，但甜食就像有着精致的魔法，总能找到我感到软弱的那一刹那。

我一直觉得自己是那种有生活规律、自律克制的人。可最近一旦工作忙起来，这些自律的原则就像蒸汽一样消散得干干净净。工作越忙越想吃那些不健康的东西。于是，豆沙、巧克力、小笼包、生煎包……不断地在我眼前晃悠。

我住在远离中国食物的尼亚加拉湖滨小镇，中式碳水根本吃不到，于是甜食成便了最容易钻空子的食物，成了我“放纵”自己的好伙伴，让我在忙碌中找到甜蜜的借口。 我与我的一位好朋友曾聊起我选择吃甜食的不安，她却提醒我，允许自己吃甜食，允许自己做得不够好，其实也是一种成熟的能力。

因为我们不可能在每一个方面都做到最好，所以我们也没有必要追求这个完美。

像我这种平时习惯自律、什么事都想做到最好的人，特别容易对自己的行为挑三拣四。这健康吗？是不是在拖延？又在逃避什么？但当我不再急着贴上“不自律”这个标签，而是试着去理解自己行为背后的心理需求时，我发现我吃甜食，不是因为管不住嘴，而是因为那一口甜，是在自己一点点急需的安慰。正是这种小小的“放纵”，成了我应付挑战工作的一种方式。

它的确不“好”，但它却有用！

其实在现实生活里，大多数时候我们并不在那个自己“理想版本”的状态里。于是，当我们在疲惫中做了一个不那么完美、甚至有点“坏”的决定时，比如吃甜食、拖延工作、临时取消计划，就很容易陷入自责，觉得自己是不是又失败了。 因此，接纳这些不够理想的决定，并不代表我们就此停滞、放弃成长，而是承认我们依然可以从当下的自己出发，无论这个自己是否懒散、焦虑、混乱。成长不一定要在“完美状态”下才开始，这并不是妥协，而是一种接地气的现实主义。它让我们不再因为“做不到最好”而停在原地，而是愿意从当下力所能及的小改变开始，一步一步慢慢靠近理想的状态。

The Power of Small Indulgences in a World Obsessed with Control

Over the past few years, even though I’ve never really liked sweets, I somehow started eating them every day, especially after lunch or dinner. At first, it was just to accompany my husband, who loves dessert, maybe some ice cream after a meal. But gradually, it turned into my own little ritual: there’s always Häagen-Dazs, chocolate sandwich cookies, toffee brittle, Japanese red bean cakes, and more stocked in our freezer.

Even though I constantly remind myself “you shouldn’t eat this anymore,” sweets seem to have a kind of refined magic, always finding me at my weakest moments.

I’ve always seen myself as someone disciplined and health-driven. But recently, whenever life gets hectic, those principles of self-control seem to evaporate like steam. The busier I get, the more I crave all the unhealthy stuff. Red bean paste, chocolate, soup dumplings, pan-fried buns... they just keep dancing in front of my eyes.

I live in a small town in Ontario during the summer, far from any Chinese food, so getting my hands on Chinese carbs seems challenging. That’s how sweets became the easiest loophole, the perfect partner in indulgence. They give me a sweet excuse to comfort myself in the middle of the chaos.

I once talked to a good friend about my unease with this sweet-eating habit. She reminded me that allowing ourselves to eat sweets or not perform perfectly is actually a sign of maturity. Because we can’t be our best selves in every aspect of life, and we also don’t need to chase that kind of perfection.

People like me, who are used to being disciplined and trying to do everything right, tend to be overly critical of ourselves. Is this healthy? Am I putting this off on purpose? What am I avoiding? But when I stopped rushing to label myself as “undisciplined” and instead tried to understand the emotional need behind the behavior, I realized I wasn’t eating sweets because I lacked self-control; I was doing it because I needed a bit of comfort. That little indulgence became a way to help me cope with a sometimes busy and challenging life.

It’s not “ideal,” but it works!

In real life, most of the time we’re not operating in our “ideal” state. So when we make a decision that’s less than perfect, like eating sweets, delaying work, or canceling plans, it’s easy to fall into guilt and feel like we’ve failed again.

Therefore, accepting those imperfect choices doesn’t mean we’re stagnant or giving up on growth. It means we’re acknowledging that we can still move forward from where we are now, whether that version of us is lazy, anxious, or messy. Growth doesn’t need to wait until we’re in a perfect state. It’s not about settling, it’s about grounded realism. It helps us stop being paralyzed by the fear of not being our best and instead start making small changes from where we are, step by step, toward the version of ourselves we aspire to be.